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Introduction
Do you often find yourself stuck trying to get everything “just right“? Not too long ago, I was also in the same boat, so I completely understand!
At first, I used to think that being called a perfectionist was something I should be proud of. To me, my desire for getting flawless results every time was like a badge of honour!
But it took me some time before I realized that being perfect was actually holding me back. I wasn’t progressing, not really!
So, let me share how I started overcoming perfectionism, and hopefully, it will help you too.
What is Perfectionism?
It is that constant, nagging feeling that if something isn’t flawless, it isn’t worth doing. In fact, perfectionists often fear failure so much that they avoid taking action unless they are certain of success!
Now, wanting to give your best and attain excellence, isn’t a bad thing at all. The problem is that perfectionism goes even beyond that!
This is because perfectionists tend to attach their self-worth to outcomes and think, “If I don’t get this exactly right, I’m just not good enough.” Believe me, that thought can get very exhausting. Besides, it isn’t sustainable.
Why We Get Stuck in Perfectionism
I used to think perfectionism was like a second skin. A part of my personality which I had to just live with and couldn’t change.
But later after much reading and reflecting, I learned that its root cause was fear. Fear of failure, fear of being judged by others, or even fear of success (which believe it or not is a thing too!).
For me, it was the fear of not being enough. I believed that if I didn’t get it right every time, I would let others down. And these were people who put their trust in me and believed in my abilities, so how could I do that?
I figured that being flawless could help me control that fear. After all, if everything I did was perfect, no one could find flaws in my work, would they?
But the truth was that by doing so, I was just making things a lot harder for myself. I realized that no one else was expecting me to be perfect. I was the only one setting those impossible standards for myself. So, in a way, I was standing in my own way!
The Cost of Perfectionism
The funny thing is that perfectionism isn’t just about being “perfect.” It also comes with the added baggage of procrastination. In fact, research shows that perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand.
Have you ever avoided starting a task because you were scared it wouldn’t turn out to be just right, all milestones achieved without a single hiccup? I used to do that all the time whenever I was asked to prepare a presentation.
I’d delay and delay because I wanted to avoid making mistakes. And guess what? I would often spend so much time in perfecting my slides that I would often miss out on the preparing the actual content delivery!
Perfectionism was definitely holding me back, not helping me grow.
Not to mention the burnout. Trying to achieve impossible standards takes a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. You end up overworking yourself, feeling anxious, and never quite happy with the result, no matter how great the outcome actually is!
How I Started Letting Go of Perfectionism
Once I realized that perfectionism was an obstacle to my progress, I began to focus on making small improvements instead of aiming for “perfect.” And here’s where things started to change for me.
Here are a few strategies that really helped me:
Welcome the “Good Enough” Mindset
Instead of pushing for perfection, I started asking myself, “Is this good enough?” This helped me break free from the need to overwork every detail.
It felt uncomfortable at first, I mean, how could I just settle for anything short of the best? But with practice, I noticed that “good enough” often led to surprisingly good results. And most importantly, it allowed me to finish my tasks and feel a sense of satisfaction.
Set Goals That Work for You
Perfectionism can make you set goals that are way too high. Now, I set smaller, more manageable goals. Achieving small wins helped me build momentum, which in turn lets me see progress more quickly and keeps me motivated. It is like a win-win situation!
Learn to Let Go of Mistakes
This one was hard for me. When things didn’t go as I had expected them to, I’d dwell on my mistakes for days. But then I started practicing self-compassion. I accepted that that mistakes are part of learning. Slowly, I got better at accepting that things don’t always go as planned, and that’s perfectly fine.
Focus on Making Steady Progress
I used to be so focused on the final outcome that I would forget to acknowledge my efforts along the way. But now, I make it a point to recognize my progress each day, even if the output isn’t as flawless. At the end of the day, steady progress is all that matters!
Rethink How You Approach Things
One of the biggest breakthroughs for me was shifting my mindset from “I have to be perfect” to “I am constantly learning.” This little shift allowed me to be kinder to myself and to try new things. Now, I feel that I can take more risks without worrying much about failure.
Get Comfortable with Feedback
Perfectionism makes you fear criticism. But I have found that feedback is one of the best ways to grow. I have been lucky to have some wonderful mentors who always had my best interests at heart. But I kept blocking them out because of my fear of going wrong and making mistakes! But now I have started to consciously seek feedback more often. I try to view it as a tool for improvement, not a judgment of my worth.
Try the “Wabi-Sabi” Philosophy
The Japanese concept of “Wabi-Sabi” revolves around finding beauty in imperfect things.
After learning about this concept, I now try to admire even imperfect things that I see around me.
For example, I try to notice Wabi-sabi in my garden where the flowers don’t grow perfectly, and some have torn petals or dry leaves. But the garden still feels beautiful and alive. Even an old bench with peeling paint can feel peaceful if you look at it the right way.
Wabi-sabi has taught me to try and appreciate what’s real and meaningful, even if it’s not perfect. This mindset makes life feel calmer and more enjoyable.
When we accept our own flaws, it also becomes easier to accept others as they are, which can even make our relationships stronger.
Enjoy The Freedom of Letting Go
As I started to let go my all-or-nothing mindset, I began to feel a wonderful sense of freedom. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still hold myself to high standards, but now it is more about doing my best and learning from the process, rather than needing to get everything right on the first try.
In fact, striving for perfection can actually hold you back. Accept and welcome your imperfections, learn from your mistakes, and focus on progress instead.
Suggested reading
Here are some interesting and insightful articles and books that I came across while doing the research for this blog post.
Highly recommended if you want to deepen your understanding of the topics discussed in this article.
Research Articles
- (PDF) Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Psychological Distress (researchgate.net)
- (PDF) Fear of failure in sport, exercise, and physical activity: a scoping review (researchgate.net)
- The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion | Request PDF (researchgate.net)
Books
- Wabi Sabi: The Wisdom in Imperfection by Nobuo Suzuki
- Overcoming Perfectionism by Roz Shafran
- How to Be an Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise
Conclusion
Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.
Salvador Dalí
In wrapping up, overcoming perfectionism is about shifting your focus to progress. So, welcome the “good enough” mindset, let go of mistakes, and be open to feedback. You will soon find that each step, even the small ones, bring you closer to mental freedom, growth and happiness.
Just like me, you will be greeted with more joy, freedom, and probably even more success along the way.
It is easier than you think. You can start by letting go of one perfectionist habit today.
You don’t have to start big, how about sending that email without revising it ten times? Or being kinder to yourself after making a small spelling error?
You’ll be surprised at the happiness and freedom it brings.
Try it and see for yourself and do share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Here’s wishing you luck on your imperfectly perfect journey!
